I ASKED for this???

Back in the 60s, a couple of psychiatrists took a look at a bunch of medical patients and tried to figure out if there was a link between their illness and the stress in their lives. Their study resulted in the development of something called the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale. Basically, the scale contained a list of stressful events.  The thing I always found interesting is that some of the items on the list are good things, things we celebrate and even work for in life.

What does this have to do with taming the College Beast, you ask? EVERYTHING. Because everyone knows that the Beast lives off of STRESS. It seeks it out and chews it up, shaking its wild head, tearing into the meat of life. The Beast eats stress for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And it is no better fed than your first year of college where stress is served up at every turn. Here are a few of the items listed on the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale that apply to the college experience. Take a look at this list and assess what these stress items have in common.

Change in living conditions

Change in residence

Change in school

Change in social activities

Change in sleeping habits

Change in eating habits

To quote--minus the profanity,of course-- the drill sergeant in the movie Forrest Gump:

“You're a …genius! That's the most outstanding answer I have ever heard.”

Yes, you got it right. Change. Change is really stressful and it is one of the biggest hurdles for first year college students.

Life can change quickly under miserable conditions. Perhaps our mom or dad loses their job or the dog we've had since we were five years old gets sick. Wham. Things are spinning. Life has happened TO us again. It's miserable, yes, but we often know how to handle it when life happens TO us. Plus, we don't feel shy about asking for support for the bad stuff. It's different though when we have worked hard for a happy event, like graduating from high school and achieving our dream of going to college. We only have ourselves to blame. We worked hard and what do we get for our efforts? Change.

The thing to remember is that really awesome changes, even the changes we asked for, are mega-stressful too. And, just like during the hard times, it's okay to ask for help and support during the amazing times. So who is on your support team? Make a list of people and let them know what you need. For you, that list might include a friend, a teacher, or your school counselor. :)

Ask for support even during the good times and you will have the Beast eating right out of your hand.

Alepho's Magic

Saturday I had the good fortune to hear an inspirational speaker named Alephonsion Deng. Alepho, as he is called by friends, spoke to counselors at CSU San Bernardino about his experience as a small boy in Sudan. His story is a remarkable one of survival and I strongly recommend his book called They Poured Fire On Us From the Sky.  www.theypouredfire.com

Alepho said many things that I thought were important but one thing that really stands out in my mind is his story of beginning his education in a refuge camp. His teacher there in the camp told him that having an education is like having magic. I like this idea that education is like magic. It is the key that opens up doors to a life that is even greater than we imagined for ourselves.

I know many of you have faced difficult times, especially in the last few years. You worry about money. You worry about your families. You worry about your future. Worry is the biggest beast of all. Alepho talked about this too. About how we can get walled in, blocked off by our past. He said that at times, he would be in school but he wasn't truly THERE, he was caught in the past. His way out? He would remind himself to come back to the present. We can face down our fears, our worries and our losses by staying focused on what is happening right now. Right now you have the opportunity to have an education. Stay focused on that.

Alepho faced many obstacles to his education. The beasts he faced were very real. One night a lion attacked while he and the boys were sleeping. His challenges exceed any that I have ever heard. He is living proof of the resilience of young people and the power of education.

When Alepho finished speaking Saturday, I had a chance to speak with him. I asked him what his plans are. With his skill as a communicator I thought that perhaps he planned to speak to ever larger audiences or write more books. His answer:

“I'm going to college.”

Q is for Questions

I remember when I was four years old I was extremely angry with myself because I did not know how to read. I saw adults reading and so I thought that I should know how too. I would look at the books, and turn the pages and pretend, but I could not figure it out on my own. I needed to be taught.

This is true for everything in life and at every age. Just a year ago, I was invited to participate in my university's research symposium. The only problem: I didn't know what that meant. I actually wrote one of my professors an email and said “What's a symposium?” (A research symposium is an event where researchers, whether they are students or instructors, share their research with others and engage in conversation about their work.)  I laughed about my naivete at the time but I know it can feel uncomfortable to ask a question, especially when it seems like everyone else knows the answer. (Believe me; they don't.) The point is, regardless of whether we are 4 or 24 or 94, we are still learning.

When taming the College Beast it's important to give yourself permission to simply not know. You have never done this before. There is no way you will magically know all of the tricks to tame the Beast. But you will learn what you need to over time. Your secret weapon? The weapon that will defeat all obstacles?

Ask questions!

Ask and ask and ask some more. And when you don't understand, take a deep breath, remember that you are still learning and ask again.

The Beast and FAFSA Deadlines

The Beast likes to try to outsmart you. One of the Beast's best ploys is something called DEADLINES.  Deadlines are a little scary.  I'll give you that.  There is the word "dead" in it after all. 

But you can still win this battle. It's not too late. Since I'm writing this in April, I don't want you to panic if you have not done your FAFSA.  You can still fill it out.  It is important in the future though to fill out the FAFSA as close to January 1st as you can.  The reason for this is that it puts you in line for the money.  Many students wait until their parents (or they, themselves) have filed their taxes before filling out the FAFSA.  FAFSA allows you to estimate the amount of money your family has made, and once you have filed your taxes, go back into the online form and correct the information. This year there is a really cool application that FAFSA offers called the IRS Data Retrieval Tool.  It is a way to connect your IRS tax return with the FAFSA and it makes things easier for you. Check it out!

According to the FAFSA website, in California you have until September 2, 2012 to complete your FAFSA to qualify for additional community college awards. Click on "Deadlines" on the FAFSA homepage to find the details for your state.  http://www.fafsa.ed.gov/deadlines.htm FAFSA also encourages you to print out your online confirmation page when you are done. I'm assuming this is to prove that you completed it by the deadline. Also, make sure and check with your college's financial aid department and ask what their deadlines are because every college is a little different. 

The best way to conquer deadlines?  A calendar.  The Beast hates calendars.  All calendars. It doesn't matter if you use your smart phone, the free calendar your grandmother gave you from her insurance agent, or the back of your hand.  The Beast cowers at calendars. So write down or enter your deadlines and keep yourself alive in the face of the College Beast. 

Until next time...Grrrrrrr!!!

Taming the Money Beast

This last week the lottery called Mega Millions hit over 600 million!  I actually saw a guy at the mini-mart buying over $100 dollars in lotto numbers. Say what? Money makes people CRAZY and it can make you crazy too when it comes to paying for college.  Like all things college, you need to tame your money.  The best way to tame the Money Beast is to break it down into small steps and take it one step at a time.  There's an old saying that goes, "How do you eat an elephant?"  Answer: "One bite at a time."  The same is true when tackling the cost of  college.  There IS money to help you.  You just have to be willing to take the steps to get it.  

One of the first things to learn about is this obnoxious acronym that no one knows how to say.  It's called the FAFSA.  Trust me.  No one knows how to say this.  But the important thing is to learn about it.  FAFSA stands for Free Application for Federal Student Aid.  One of the first things you might notice is the word "Free".  This means you don't have to pay to fill out the FAFSA. I have heard that there are people that are paid to help with this but I have never met anyone who paid a FAFSA preparer. There is enough free help right there on the website to get you through it and lots of people at your high school or college who can help you too.  For FREE.  

The second thing you might notice is the word "Federal".  Federal simply means the United States government.  The confusing thing for some students is that they assume that the FAFSA is just for students who are going to get federal grants or loans. The truth is that many other scholarship agencies use the FAFSA to assess your financial need as well.  So make sure you fill this out and fill it out on time.

Don't be afraid of FAFSA.  It's kind of like having a big dog.  He might not be pretty, but he's on your side. 


www.fafsa.ed.gov